“Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
- Rainer Maria Rilke
The past few weeks are arguably one of the hardest chapters in my life.
Physically, our move with packing and unpacking was tough on my body. And of course I got sick with cold and fever, lost my voice, and now with slight phlegm in my throat that I have yet to recover from - since two weeks ago when this all started.
Then the emotional tug of wars within myself. I missed all key conferences and speaking events (my old friends and colleagues) in Vientiane, Penang, Bratislava, Bonn - all happening back to back. FOMO kicks in and I regretted making a conscious decision to stay away from work. At the same time, I know I will also regret not prioritizing my health, my family, and our move this time as our child transitions to public school while she is still struggling with Japanese language.
Being a parent is truly the most insightful meditative experience of all. You live with the chaos while trying to find spaciousness. You try to be more responsive and less reactive. You get knocked down by life while still trying to be present with the kids - and less caught up in the head. You choose between options and live with the fact that it is hard (in fact, not possible) to have it all at the same time.
I still have doubts but made peace with the decision ultimately. While it may seem that I am drifting away, I am clearer than ever that I needed to take this pathless path of embracing detours. Life is not a straight line. And in my gut, I know that this path brings an authentic and interesting way to connect efforts from my past with my current interests and lifestyle.
Is this what I would do today if I were to die tomorrow? Being sick makes me get in closer touch to this reality. And I will take heed of the signs from my back-to-back health diagnoses.
Moving Things Vs Routines
When one moves, physical items are the easiest to be transported to the new residence. Routines and rituals are actually much tougher to be re-embraced in a new setting.
I find that routines and rituals are very much bounded by the specific time slice, space, and feelings tied to a particular place. In my new house, it took me awhile to feel at ease meditating at a new spot. And I still feel the clumsiness as I resumed tea-making.
Even this act of writing feels out of sort in this new corner in my new house. At the old place, I would often do a make-shift standing desk at our kitchen island (and I miss it!).
Fortunately through this move, I discovered an unintentional powerful new habit of less digital time and I intend to keep it this way.
In Search of Tea Kettle
Tea is nought but this: First you heat the water, then you make the tea. Then you drink it properly. That is all you need to know.
- Sen no Rikyū, 16th century Japanese tea master influential to the Japanese way of tea
I was looking for a new tea kettle for my new house - to meditate with and to make tea with (coffee for my husband). Initially, I was somewhat hooked on a gooseneck kettle that is all the rage right now.
But then I held myself back as I wanted to make sure that we have a truly good kettle for daily use - and so I started to peel the layers and explored a few opinions from different sources.
Initially I did a web search of online reviews and Instagram. But I do not completely trust online reviews and so looked at both positive/negative reviews. One time at a boutique during our trip to Viet Nam, the storekeeper had shamelessly asked me to write a positive online review immediately after a purchase!
I also turned to a few trusted tea experts and enthusiasts on Chado or Japanese way of tea (matcha specifically), Chinese tea, Nihoncha (various types of Japanese teas) to get a somewhat balanced impression.
Ultimately, it came down to a few self-defined key criteria so I can make different types of teas: Electric vs iron kettles, non-optional core functions (kettle spout, temperature control), power wattage, chord length, volume capacity, aesthetics, pricing.
Here’s what I discovered along the search process:
Most electric kettles in the market are for coffee-making. For Chinese tea, a proper kettle spout to generate water pressure for a quick spill and smooth flow as water exits is important.
Tea is fascinating. I am merely just scratching the surface with lots more to learn. It connects nature, culture, history, the community, and connections with others. To me, it is about cultivating taste, opening up new avenues of awareness, and waking up to the senses that I would not have been aware of otherwise.
Beauty is invisible if you rush through life. Attention makes it visible.
Not to blindly rely on popular opinions. At tourists-flocked Arashiyama the other day, I again see that tourists would rather wait in long lines at cafes or sites made popular from social media. For those looking for something more substantive and enduring - those who took more efforts in research, to wander or detour, walking to the next block would actually give them access to an equally impressive site if not more (even if that means stumbling upon roadblocks and that’s part of the adventure). The same mindset goes for kettle search, job hunting, or in the search for other important things in life.
People spend too much time on the last 24 hours and not enough time on the last 6,000 years. — Will Durant, American historian and philosopher
Mending the Broken
My favorite mug from Nepal broke during unpacking. It is one of the first items I had packed and then retrieved from the last box that I unpacked. Perhaps out of excitement, it rushed in the unpacking and it slipped out of my hands instantaneously, almost seemed like it's meant to be this way.
I still have the broken pieces tightly wrapped. And will find a way to mend it, maybe the kintsugi way if I learn how to do it myself eventually.
This mug is a treasure to me. Something shifted in me when it broke. It broke me down in tears but it also shifted my guard towards it - all these years, I have intentionally tried not to use it as much so to protect it. And now I am finally freed from the fear of losing.
The walls are shifting. Its rooms and doors seem to shift places. Pay attention to this and you will know where to sleep. Where the windows are and how to open them for air. - Maya C Popa, author of Wound is the Origin of Wonder